


Constant

by Mrs Gordo (MrsGordo)



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, no comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 14:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsGordo/pseuds/Mrs%20Gordo
Summary: Buffy is having a bit of an identity crisis and tragedy brings her back to the place it all started where she reflects on life and love with Angel.





	Constant

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and ponder a world in which the Buffyverse comics don’t exist. That is what this fic is. Set a few years after the shows ended. No comics. Assume Angel survives the NFA battle.

It was a cool night. The kind of cool that reaches your bones and makes them shiver when the wind blows just right. She snuggled into her baby blue wool coat and wrapped it tightly around her as she walked towards the massive crater. It was eerily quiet. The only sound to be heard was the wind which would kick up occasionally. She sat down at the crater and dangled her legs over the edge. She waited.

It wasn’t long before she heard the car. Wasn’t much longer before she heard it park, a door open and the barely audible footsteps behind her approach. She didn’t turn. She sat still and continued to wait. She knew he would come to her. There were some things that would never change. 

And he did just that. He quietly maneuvered his large body to sit next to her. Allowing his own legs to dangle over the crater as well. They both reached slowly for each other’s hands. A habit. One that was hard to break and that neither of them had any interest in fixing. 

She thought his hand was the most solid thing she had felt in years. A touchstone to her life. She looked down at their intertwined hands and let out a small breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. She pondered how long she had been holding it for. Years. Maybe. She turned her head up back towards the crater. 

“Do you remember - when it all started? When I was the one girl in all the world and you were the only vampire with a soul?” Buffy asked as she looked down at the large hole in the world that had once been her home.

“Mhmm.” Angel nodded.

“The world felt smaller somehow. Sometimes - it felt like - it was only us. Only me and you. Cursed or chosen, not that there was a difference. Someone else decided our fates.”

“We still had some decisions to make along the way.” Angel said.

“Yes. We did. Never easy ones.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. He contemplated all of those decisions in the many years that they had made. Both of them. Decisions involving each other, involving the fate of the world, friends, family, life, and death. Right and wrong and various shades of in between.

“I think all we have in life are the choices we make. Even the ones that are wrong. They make us who we are. Some poorly dressed demon told me that once.” Angel said.

Buffy turned and looked at Angel for the first time that night. The moonlight shone brightly on the angular features of his all too familiar face. He looked the same and yet he looked different. It was both comforting and terrifying. She untangled her hand from his and reached out to run her fingers along the planes of his face. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. She continued to run her fingers along his eyebrows, his cheeks, his jaw and she stopped when she reached his lips. 

He slowly opened his eyes and met her gaze. There was a quiet realization at that moment that the questions that had brought her here, to this crater, were his questions too. She knew that life had thrown him curveball after curveball. She had heard all of the stories from Spike. Stories of Pinocchio prophecies with tales of chalices filled with mountain dew. A reward he thought he had relinquished or no longer deserved but she knew better. She saw this perfectly in the deep chocolate brown orbs that looked upon her. He too wondered what his place was, both in her heart and in this world. Even if he would never ask, she felt compelled to answer him.

“Angel.” She shook her head slowly, helplessly wanting to erase all of his fears and doubts even when she knew it was never that easy. She whispered softly. “There is no one in this world like you to me. No one.”

He brought his hand up to place it over hers. He kissed her fingers. Then he pulled her close so that she could snuggle into his chest and held her close. “I’m sorry about Giles, Buffy.”

He felt her nod and he heard her stifle a sob. “I wanted to come back to where it all started. I wanted to come back to a time when the world was smaller for all of us - simple. But that place doesn’t exist anymore, does it? I’m not the one girl in all the world. I won’t ever be that again.”

He tightened his hold on her and said, “Buffy, there can be legions of slayers and there will still only ever be one of you. Only one Buffy Summers who is loving, forgiving, strong, and has an uncanny ability to time her puns in the heat of battle.” She could almost hear the small crooked smile in his voice and she gave a small laugh. “You're still the one girl in all the world to me.”

Buffy contemplated. At first, when all of the slayers had been activated, it hadn’t really bothered her. She had enjoyed it, actually. This new found feeling of belonging and sharing the responsibility of the weight of the world. But she slowly came to the realization that she had never been all that great at sharing her calling. She hadn’t done so well with it when it came to Kendra or Faith. Now she had to share her identity with hundreds and hundreds of girls. If she wasn’t the “one” what was she? What was her place in this world?

When Giles had died, something inside her snapped. Not only because of the deep pain in her heart at her loved one’s passing but also because his passing represented another loss of the last remnants of her former life. Her life was changing too fast, faster than she could keep up with and she wasn’t sure of her place in it. Buffy had felt suddenly and completely alone. She knew at that moment who she needed. If just for a brief moment.

“Our love. It’s a constant. It never changes.” Buffy whispered. “I can always hold on to that at least.”

“Oh I don’t know. I think it’s changed for me.” Angel said as he stroked her golden hair.

Buffy pushed off of Angel and turned to him. She tried to hide the pain in her eyes. She gave him a questioning stare. Angel immediately wanted to remove any morsel of doubt that he saw in her big green eyes.

He cupped her chin. “What I mean is, I love you - in a different way. I love you - in a smarter way. In a way that doesn’t scare me or send me running for the hills. In a way that brings me some peace, even when we aren’t near each other. I always wanted to love you better, Buffy, and with time - I think I finally do.”

“Oh.” She breathed a sigh of relief and then pinched his stomach. “You scared me.” She relaxed back against him. “So was that what the whole ‘I’m yours’ thing was all about a few years ago?”

“Yeah.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m not big with the words.”

“Understatement.” She gave a small laugh. “So I guess change isn’t always bad.”

“No. Not always.” Angel agreed.

“Still,” She grabbed his hand and held it against her chest. “It’s nice to have something to hold on to.” Buffy realized what it was she needed from Angel. A reminder that someone loved her, not the slayer. She had always known this was true of him. She knew even before he had told her, when she had lost her powers on her eighteenth birthday. She had always felt it in the way he looked at her. He looked past the slayer and into the girl and he laid her bare every time. It was both the beauty of their love and its undoing. It was why he had walked away from her so many years ago. Why he would only return to her if he was granted his humanity. 

Buffy squeezed his hand and closed her eyes tightly. She wanted to savor every little moment they had together. She felt him press a lingering kiss on the crown of her head and take in a deep breath. She knew what he was doing. He was memorizing her the same way she was with him. They couldn’t know when they would be together again. This wasn’t their happily ever after. She wasn’t even sure if that was ever theirs to have. Angel was still a vampire, for now, although if the fates were uncruel she prayed that wouldn’t always be the case. And she, well, she wasn’t a normal girl - she had never really been that - but she wasn’t just only a slayer anymore either. That too had changed with the passing of the years. 

For now, their love would have to be enough. Their love would be their constant and as their world changed around them, that love would always help them find their way.


End file.
